The key purpose of a pre-nuptial agreement is financial protection of assets owned by each spouse prior to the marriage, including income protection and liability for alimony, and can include assets acquired during the marriage. Should your new spouse become entitled to half of everything you own immediately upon your becoming married simply by virtue of being married to you? Doesn’t it make sense to give the relationship time to prove whether and to what extent you have a true partnership in a future together? If you were mistaken or misled and either party wants out of the marriage, are you really okay with giving up half your stuff?
A second key purpose of going through the pre-nuptial agreement process is that the process itself is an incredibly effective learning and bonding experience. Your learn a lot about how each other thinks, what they want and how they respond to and resolve differences. This process can give you a terrific sense of validation in your choice of a partner and the confidence you need to move forward with peace of mind!
Marriage is more than milk and honey; marriage is an economic partnership that can have substantial financial impacts over time. The point is that if you want to provide for your spouse, be generous and so forth, you can provide for this in a sensible, graduated manner that protects you against unexpected revelations about your spouse and against people referred to as ‘gold-diggers.” The latter type of people look for and prey on well off, often lonely, people, who they subtly manipulate, and when they feel the time is right, provoke a failure of the marriage and claim half, or more, of the assets.
Insisting on a pre-nuptial agreement does not imply that you don’t trust the person you love. It means you are intelligent enough to recognize that being in love doesn’t mean you should impulsively give away the farm without first allowing the relationship to stand the test of time. You want to be sure the person you are marrying is marrying you for the right reasons, that you are marrying that person for the right reasons, and that your goals and approach to reaching those goals are compatible. Do you really want to be with someone who is reluctant, or refuses, to consider and validate your concerns?
Over 60% of marriages end in divorce! A relationship should be satisfying, with good communication, exchanges of ideas, learning how to compromise, a healthy sex life, fun times and working together. You should feel you are a team. Of course, there are some exceptions where people have disabilities and other life-changing issues. If this isn’t true of your relationship, have you really thought through what you want for the long haul? Diving into a lottery pool where the odds are not in your favor is, simply put, not smart. Make sure you know what you are looking for in a spouse and whether the person you have chosen meets those criteria. Although managing a relationship can be challenging at times, and takes some effort and consideration to make smart choices, a good, healthy, sustainable relationship should not be hard work. Do not ignore red flags! – This is the time to get some help to figure out how to handle the problem, how to re-evaluate and decide what is best for you.
The reality is that sometimes people are not who you think they are. For some people, marriage is a passport and the culmination of an effective courtship. The sense of “mission accomplished” can mean there is no reason to try any longer and one can revert to one’s true self. Surprise, surprise! And people change. Goals change. Looks and outlooks change. Trust and loyalty can turn into mistrust and betrayal. You can be doing everything right and it’s just not good enough. In some cases, nothing is ever good enough. The reasons unexpected or unforeseen changes occur are infinite. The reality is that change happens, often when you least expect it. Protect yourself! Protecting yourself does not mean you need to do so at the other’s expense. There is no place for a sense of entitlement.
If you are a young couple wanting to start a family, neither owns much, and you wish to build a life together, in most cases, a pre-nuptial agreement is not necessary. However, making sure you have good reasons to believe your are right for each other to make this journey together is still very important. Consulting together with an estate planning attorney/counsellor to review your thoughts as to careers, investments, retirement planning, decision-making, basic legal planning, and so forth, – before you get married may be very helpful in learning more about how each other thinks and how well you can discuss and resolve issues. This process may incease your sense of confidence or it may raise red flags that will give you reason for pause.
When one party is substantially wealthier, or if one has been married before, one person is considerably older, or there are other important considerations and interests that warrant protection against marital property claims if the marriage doesn’t work out, it makes sense to explore, with a professional, whether a pre-nuptial agreement is appropriate for you. If you find yourself hesitating to invest the time or money to do so, ask yourself whether securing your financial security and happiness is important to you. If you care so little about protecting your own interests, do you really expect others to care about your wishes and needs? Sensible planning is a smart investment in your financial security and peace of mind!
Again, … why should someone become entitled to a windfall solely by reason of having married someone of substance? Why should “half” or more be fair just because one got married? There is a huge difference in sharing equally the fruits of what a couple contributed during their marital partnership, and being forced to share with a taker and user. – There are many different ways to contribute to a marriage partnership and talking through that early on is important too.
Don’t you want to have a better understanding of the challenges, the risks, the pitfalls and the techniques to better equip you going forward? The right adviser can be a cross between a mentor, a coach, a guidance counselor, a strategic planner, a marriage counselor, an investment counselor, an insurance counselor, and more! If your intended spouse is not right for you, wouldn’t you rather find out now than after you’re married, have children, buy a house together and who knows what else you have committed yourself to? For all these reasons, you owe it to yourself to invest in a thorough marriage partnership consultation?
A pre-nuptial agreement can provide for greater sharing as the marriage partnership proves its stability over time and ensure that the value of other spouse’s contribution to the marriage (in all ways), is fairly addressed. However, it makes no sense that a marriage partner who brings little into the marriage should be able to benefit at the expense of the other spouse or have an economic incentive to have the marriage fail. Bear in mind that a pre-nuptial agreement can be highly customized and creative to provide solutions for a variety of needs and concerns. The bottom line is that it doesn’t hurt to get some good professional guidance early and enable yourself to decide how best to move forward with confidence, … and it may hurt you very badly if you don’t!– You are the master of you own destiny!